The Most Important Thing About Me
November 24, 2010
This year for me has been an emotional roller coaster. I often wonder if this is a “season” or if it’s just the reality of human existence. My guess is the latter. In the midst of traveling, circumstances that have been out of my control, and beholding suffering, I’ve been trying to find a place of rest. I long for communion with Jesus that transcends circumstance and the inevitable storms of life.
My tendency throughout my journey has been to numb my heart (false rest). This can look like keeping incredibly busy, spending all my spare time with people, or gorging on entertainment. I admit I have done all of those things this year, but in the midst of it all I keep reaching for Jesus. I keep striving to fight against those tendencies and place my broken and weak heart before Him.
In the midst of one of those reaches several weeks ago, I pulled out “The Knowledge of the Holy” by AW Tozer. I stopped short at the first line:
“What comes into our minds when we think about God is the most important thing about us.”
Somehow, this statement got me back on track in a way that I needed so desperately. I have thought about it repeatedly since then. When you don’t know what to do, set your eyes on Jesus (2 Chron. 20:12). Beholding & declaring Jesus is always our way forward.
So, who is my Beloved to me?
He is faithful, exceedingly faithful. He never leaves me. He is always working everything together for my good, conforming me to His image as I choose to love Him (Romans 8). He hedges me in and afflicts me in faithfulness (Hosea 2 & Psalm 119). He speaks tenderly to me and upholds me with His right arm. At times His works are invisible to me, at times He whispers, and at times He thunders. Always, He is good.
He is true. Never has He, and never will He, lie to me. He’s not like mere man (Numbers 23:19). I can trust His Word. I can trust His actions. He lived a blameless life and then chose to die for me. I can trust a God who has bled for me. I can trust a God who IS truth. He is who He says He is.
He is humble. The fact that a divine God chose to put on flesh forever, in order to raise up kings and priests (as His family) astounds me. Not only has He died for me, but He lives to intercede for me on a regular basis (Hebrews 7). My God is a God who washes my feet, cleanses my heart, and shepherd’s me (John 13, Psalm 23, John 10). Have you ever heard of a God who is a Shepherd?
He is beautiful. I long to be captured by something bigger than the day to day and Jesus is my answer to that ache. He is beautiful to my eyes – dazzling & radiant, shining like a jasper diamond, surrounded by an emerald rainbow and living creatures (Revelation 4). His eyes burn with fire (Revelation 1). Christ is beautiful to my heart – His Name is my comfort & if I really run into His name, I will find fascination.
He is attentive to my cry. Knowing that a God who owns the cattle on a thousand hills (Psalm 50), He who is seated above the circle of the earth (Isaiah 40), the one who created all things by the Word of His power (John 1), is listening to me (me?!) is terrifying and glorious. I have the ear of the One who can actually bring change (Psalm 18). I have everything I need if I have Jesus (2 Peter 1:3).
This list could go on and on and on… but in the midst of the whirlwind of life I seek to come back to the first things. I long to behold Him and bless Him. I long to love Him and declare His name. What I believe about Jesus and living like I believe it, is the most important thing about me.
Turning Away From Entertainment
September 8, 2010
I received a comment recently about when I’d be writing about “cutting back on most forms of entertainment”. So, I thought now would be a good time to address this. Turning away from media and entertainment feels like an ongoing, every day battle for me. This also seems to be a very controversial topic within the Body of Christ (at least in the West).
Some say that it’s freedom to be able to watch whatever you want. Some say that turning off your TV or not watching movies (for the sake of drawing near to Jesus) is “religious”. Most people will try to convince you that there’s “grace” for entertainment. I’d rather make a case that Jesus is worthy of all of our time and attention.
I don’t think not watching TV or movies earns me anything. I do watch movies occasionally, and I have spent HUGE chunks of my life staring at a screen watching someone else’s story. I wish I could get that time back. I don’t want to spend my time that way and am striving to turn it off and turn to Him.
Even outside of the spiritual implications – wouldn’t you rather live the life that you desire, rather than live vicariously through someone else?
Regardless, for me it comes down to:
1) I have to give an account (to Jesus) for how I’ve spent all my time on the earth, and I will be judged by what I DO with my time. He looks at my heart, absolutely, but what I do really matters (Rev. 20:12). I am pained by the fact that I will have to give an account for the thousands of hours I’ve spent in front of the TV, at a movie theater, or surfing the internet. Those are hours I can never get back.
2) I believe there is a higher level of communion and satisfaction available in Jesus today, that I have yet to taste. I believe that drawing nearer to Him will bring me more pleasure than a movie. A movie will play with my emotions and let me escape for a little while, but most likely won’t draw me closer to His heart.
I want to live in constant communion with Jesus. When I say that, I don’t mean I sit in a dark room, rock back and forth, and talk to Jesus all day. I DO mean that certain activities are more prone to take me out of dialogue with Him. Practicing the presence of God is all about talking to (and listening to) Jesus in the day in and day out of life. Unfortunately, with most movies or TV shows or surfing the internet, that is difficult for me.
I don’t think entertainment or media is inherently evil. I do value the age that we live in. I love that information is readily available, and I think that movies can be made—and the internet can be used—to glorify the name of Jesus. I pray that the Lord would anoint men and women who are living the Sermon on the Mount (Matthew 5-7) to declare the message of Jesus’ beauty through media.
At the same time, I want to turn my eyes from looking at worthless things (Psalm 119:37 and Psalm 101). Most TV programs and movies (even kids movies) are saturated with the spirit of the age. I believe we become like what we behold or consume. I want to look like Jesus, not like the world. I want to love those that are in the world, and I believe the best way to do that is to spend my time meditating on, agreeing with, and living His word, so I actually have something to say. I want to become the message of truth. I want to become true.
He is worthy of all of my heart. Oh, that I would strive to surrender all of it to Jesus. Life is so short. Jesus, grant me grace to love you with every moment of it.
Why ‘Practice’ God’s Presence
May 17, 2010
I’ve been working on a blog post for o
ver a week, on why we should ‘practice the presence of God’. Honestly, it was reading something akin to a car manual. While that would probably please my mechanically minded husband—I didn’t think it would agree with 99% of the rest of the populace—so I chucked it and started over.
So, why seek to give God my attention and my affection throughout every moment of my life?
Simply—Because He is worthy. He is a God who bled for me. He was beaten beyond recognition after living a blameless life—never giving into the temptation of sin even one time—so that in His death and resurrection He could claim me as His own. The King of Kings has given every ounce of His strength—His mind, His will, His emotions, His resources—to possess me and draw me into His kingdom—all so that I would reign with Him in paradise, forever!
Jesus was more than aware of every time I’d reject Him, and yet He pursued me. Willingly, the Son of Man laid down His life that I would rule with Him forever. Even now, He is seated at the right hand of the Father living to intercede for me.
How could I not seek to lay my life down for Love? How could I not seek to worship Him with my every breath, my every thought, my every step? The eternal God is worthy of abandoned worship!!! He is worthy of every moment of my life.
I’ve been thinking about the axiom, ‘Life is a marathon—not a sprint.’ Usually what people mean by that is, ‘Slow down. You’ve got to pace yourself. Don’t push too hard. Remember life is long—you don’t want to wear yourself out.’
And I think it’s ridiculous.
For one thing, those who live by this motto probably aren’t runners. Because runners (whether sprinters or marathoners) are consumed with their sport. Real runners change their diets, their sleeping habits, and their schedules in order to get faster and stronger. They can’t compartmentalize their training and continue in sloppiness in other arenas of life. If a runner is serious about improving their best time & beating their last record, running will touch every aspect of their life – regardless of the race they’re running.
Paul says, in 1 Corinthians 9, “24 Do you not know that those who run in a race all run, but one receives the prize? Run in such a way that you may obtain it. 25 And everyone who competes for the prize is temperate in all things. Now they do it to obtain a perishable crown, but we for an imperishable crown. 26 Therefore I run thus: not with uncertainty. Thus I fight: not as one who beats the air. 27 But I discipline my body and bring it into subjection, lest, when I have preached to others, I myself should become disqualified.”
Life on this earth is short. I’ve only got one life to live. AND I never know when my turn to stand before the Judge of the Earth will be. However, I know that I will. I also know that I don’t want to look back and wish I’d just run a little bit harder into His heart. Oh the pain I’d feel upon realizing that I could have leaned more into His love and therefore loved others more because of it.
He is worthy—so I run. Life on this earth is short—so I discipline my body and my mind. I want to gain eternal reward—So I set my eyes on Jesus in even the most mundane circumstances. He loves me—so I want to love Him.
As I close, I’m thinking about running cross-country in High School—particularly the invitationals. Early on a Saturday morning, a hundred to two hundred girls would line up next to each other in preparation for a 3.1 mile race. As I would stand there (hopping up and down trying to shake out my nervous energy) I’d be thinking about the whole race— the turns, the hills, the straight-away’s.
I’d visualize the finish—how I’d ‘kick it in’ with my last bit of strength. But I’d also be thinking about the challenge at hand—that first 100 meters. I knew that if I didn’t give the initial part of the race everything I had, I’d get stuck behind the pack and probably wouldn’t get into the position I wanted at the front of the race. I also knew that maintaining a strong pace would be critical to success.
Ah, I love to run!! The thrill of pushing myself as hard as my body will allow, giving myself to a higher goal moment to moment, setting my eyes on the prize - glorious. Paul’s analogy is excellent because how hard we run in this life (through every part of the race) – will determine “how we place” in the age to come. We don’t compete against each other, but we war against powers and principalities. We war against the darkness within and all around us, and we run to obtain the prize.
So I visualize the finish. I think about the twists and turns along the way. I set myself for a strong steady start. I practice the presence of God – because I was made to run.
