jennypowell.org

This year for me has been an emotional roller coaster.  I often wonder if this is a “season” or if it’s just the reality of human existence.  My guess is the latter.  In the midst of traveling, circumstances that have been out of my control, and beholding suffering, I’ve been trying to find a place of rest.  I long for communion with Jesus that transcends circumstance and the inevitable storms of life.

My tendency throughout my journey has been to numb my heart (false rest).  This can look like keeping incredibly busy, spending all my spare time with people, or gorging on entertainment.  I admit I have done all of those things this year, but in the midst of it all I keep reaching for Jesus.  I keep striving to fight against those tendencies and place my broken and weak heart before Him.

In the midst of one of those reaches several weeks ago, I pulled out “The Knowledge of the Holy” by AW Tozer. I stopped short at the first line:

“What comes into our minds when we think about God is the most important thing about us.”

Somehow, this statement got me back on track in a way that I needed so desperately. I have thought about it repeatedly since then. When you don’t know what to do, set your eyes on Jesus (2 Chron. 20:12).  Beholding & declaring Jesus is always our way forward.

So, who is my Beloved to me?

He is faithful, exceedingly faithful. He never leaves me.  He is always working everything together for my good, conforming me to His image as I choose to love Him (Romans 8).  He hedges me in and afflicts me in faithfulness (Hosea 2 & Psalm 119).  He speaks tenderly to me and upholds me with His right arm. At times His works are invisible to me, at times He whispers, and at times He thunders.  Always, He is good.

He is true. Never has He, and never will He, lie to me.  He’s not like mere man (Numbers 23:19).  I can trust His Word.  I can trust His actions.  He lived a blameless life and then chose to die for me.  I can trust a God who has bled for me.  I can trust a God who IS truth. He is who He says He is.

He is humble. The fact that a divine God chose to put on flesh forever, in order to raise up kings and priests (as His family) astounds me.  Not only has He died for me, but He lives to intercede for me on a regular basis (Hebrews 7).  My God is a God who washes my feet, cleanses my heart, and shepherd’s me (John 13, Psalm 23, John 10).  Have you ever heard of a God who is a Shepherd?

He is beautiful. I long to be captured by something bigger than the day to day and Jesus is my answer to that ache. He is beautiful to my eyes – dazzling & radiant, shining like a jasper diamond, surrounded by an emerald rainbow and living creatures (Revelation 4).  His eyes burn with fire (Revelation 1). Christ is beautiful to my heart – His Name is my comfort & if I really run into His name, I will find fascination.

He is attentive to my cry. Knowing that a God who owns the cattle on a thousand hills (Psalm 50), He who is seated above the circle of the earth (Isaiah 40), the one who created all things by the Word of His power (John 1), is listening to me (me?!) is terrifying and glorious.  I have the ear of the One who can actually bring change (Psalm 18).  I have everything I need if I have Jesus (2 Peter 1:3).

This list could go on and on and on… but in the midst of the whirlwind of life I seek to come back to the first things.  I long to behold Him and bless Him.  I long to love Him and declare His name.  What I believe about Jesus and living like I believe it, is the most important thing about me.